Bashing
by Whisper's Song
Summary: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! THE craziest story you will ever read. Insanity is guaranteed as the HP characters and various FF authors live out very weird situations.
1. Bashing

**A/N:** This is something fun, and somewhat funny and entertaining. Hope you enjoy!

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything of the Harry Potter brand.

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**ACT ONE:**

**AT RISE:**_ HARRY, RON, HERMIONE, and DRACO are in a broom closet._

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Harry: Why are we here? 

Ron: Because Whisper's Song, Tastetherain, and UntamedSpirit, were trapped in their first period classrooms for four hours for a writing assignment, and Whisper's Song wants to take her anger out on us. So we're trapped in a broom closet.

Harry: Fun.

Ron: She could, you know, hit a wall or something instead...

Hermione: No, because Whisper's Song is a lady and ladies don't hit walls.

Draco: What about kicking a wall?

_**EVERYONE** rolls eyes._

Ron: She's writing this in the hopes that it's funny.

Draco: Well of course it isn't. She can't be funny unless she's really into the writing. She can't come up with funny stuff on the spot.

Hermione: Yea, yet she still tries to be, it's really quite sad.

Harry: How do you guys know about her and I don't know ANYTHING about her?

Ron: Uh, hello? Mate, she's got 10 stories about us up. All you gotta do is break into Mione's computer.

Hermione: YOU BROKE INTO MY COMPUTER!

Ron: Uh...of course not!

Draco: What is a computer?

Hermione: Shut up.

Draco: So this chick, Whisper's Song, she doesn't like the whole writing assignment...how canshe write about us if she can't take a assignment?

Harry: Uh, the prompt was hard?

Hermione: Exactly.

_**ALL** GATHER AROUND MIONE'S LAPTOP ON FF SITE._

Ron: But her telling about our lives...

Draco: Can we say stalker?

Hermione: Actually she isn't in this world, it's in her mind and she isn't on this plane so techically since she isn't in this world, she's not stalking us.

Harry: Did you get that?

Ron and Draco: Nope.

_Profile for Whisper's Song pops up._

Harry: So is this Whisper's Song?

Hermione: I suppose, her profile doesn't give much...an email address and that's all...

Ron: You mean we can email her?

Draco: What's email?

Hermione: Stop asking dumb questions Malfoy. But an email sounds good...

Ron: We can bash her!

Hermione: We will do nothing of the sort, we will tell her not to write about us anymore.

Harry: Yes!

Ron: But one of her stories has 95 reviews...it would break her heart to stop it before 100 reviews...But in some of them I'm the bad guy..so email away!

Draco: Could some one please tell me about this person?

Ron: If you must know, she's a girl.

Draco: I figured that out, she writes about how sexy I am.

_**HARRY** looks like wanting to hurl._

Hermione: Actually, she just pairs you with me because it's the whole opposites thing. But she bashes you in some of the chapters! That's brownie points in my book!

Draco: WHAT? She dares to bash **ME**?

_**HARRY** LEANS IN AND READS_

Harry: That's pretty good! Oh, and hey I'm flirting with a princess. YES!

_**HARRY** throws fist in the air and "accidently" hits **DRACO**._

Draco: HOLY SH-

Hermione: Don't finish that sentence.

_**DRACO** glares at **HERMIONE**._

Harry: So why would put they put them in a room for 4 hours for a single writing assignment...

Ron: Because she had to write 5 paragraphs. And they have to have at least8 sentences, and they have to be mature sounding sentences...

_**DRACO** raises eyebrow._

Draco: _Mature_?

Hermione: Gutter. Get out of it.

Ron: Writing mature paragraphs when you usually write teen stories, isn't that easy. She writes drama, dark drama. Not papers.

Harry: Why would anyone want to write about dark stuff?

Ron: You ask her.

Hermione: Boys, she wants to write dark fics because she wants it to be real. The world isn't perfect, and she wants to express that.

Draco: Death...of yea, I'll really want to read that.

Ron: But she is pretty...I will say that...

Hermione: Hey! Your MY boyfriend!

Harry and Draco: Your going out?

_**RON** smacks self over the head._

Ron: Nice going Mione.

Hermione: I was provoked! Whisper's Song just put us together by surprise at the moment, I had no choice! She controls us!

Draco: Like this is a real surprise.

Harry: He does have a point. Everyone was saying that you two should go out.

Ron: Really?

Draco: Uh, yea. Wait a minute, am I having a comversation with you nit wits? Oh Lord, I HAVE been in this closet too long.

Harry: How do we get out?

Ron: Uh...

Hermione: You mean you don't have the key?

Draco: Looks like he doesn't.

Hermione: RON! I TOLD YOU TO BRING THE KEY!

Harry: She did mate, remember this was a trick for Malfoy.

Draco: WHAT? Wait, how is that possible?

Ron: Because Whisper's Song had just added it to the storyline.

Draco: We're in a story?

Harry: Gee, Malfoy, good one!

_**HARRY **rolls eyes._

Hermione: So we're locked in here?

Harry: According to Whisper's Song at the moment.

Ron: This is gonna suck.

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I just wanted to bash my writing test and write something fun. I tried to make it funny..but I TRIED remember? I hope it was somewhat entertaining! I dunno if I'm gonna write a sequel or anything... 

You like? Review!


	2. Bashing II

**A/N: **Here we go again! Thank you everyonE for the positive feedback!**

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything of the Harry Potter brand.

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**Response to the Reviews From "Bashing":**

**Buffy Summers:** I didn't think of it as a parody...but you're right. Thank you!

**Cajunkitty:** SUPERFLYINGTACKLEPOUNCE! You finally reviewed my stories! Here is a sequel! Never dis the popcorn and there is some in this story! Don't worry more stories like this are sure to come! Pours bucket of popcorn on you HA HA! YOU LOSE!(You know the voice I would say that in!)

**FarDeep:** As you can see it is! And a third installment will be written! And I did use your idea of the astronomy tower...hope you don't mind! Thank you!

**JewelBlossom:** Yea me too. The prompts are ALWAYS stupid. But yours was a piece of cake compared to mine "You are chosen to create an after-school program." and we had no clue wiether they wanted one thing for a whole bunch of stuff. Being in a classroom for 4 hours should be illegal in my opinon!

**Nova-Janna:** Yup, I'm going to continue! Be afraid! lol...

**octopus1738:** AMEN TO THAT!

**poordraco:** Ha ha...yea it is...

**Q-BriarXJade-Q:** Of course! I just put Ron and Hermione together on the spur of the moment...

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ACT TWO:

**AT RISE:**_ Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco are unfortunately STILL in the broom closet, but not for long!_

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"I told you this was gonna suck." Ron said matter-of-factly. Harry, Hermione, and Draco glared at him. 

"Why are we still in here?" Harry asked. Hermione sighed.

"Because Whisper's Song has more things to bash."

"Oh..." Draco and Ron said at the same time.

"Yes she had finals and other tests and she didn't like them." Hermione said. "But that's because she didn't study."

"That's a girl! I bet she was partying!" Draco said proudly.

"Uh, no." Hermione said. "She just didn't want to. Somewhat she still passed with all above average."

"Well duh Hermione." I said as I entered the picture. "I'm freakin smart." Hermione looked like she had seen a ghost.

"See I told you she was hot, give me my ten galleons." Ron muttered to Harry. I snatched them up before Ron got them.

"Thanks boys, your too sweet." I said as they pouted.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Hermione asked.

"Because I'm out of ideas, plus you guys are dissing me behind my back, do you really think you can get away with that?" I pointed out.

"You should be in Slytherin." Draco mentioned.

"Please, I live out page six everyday, I don't need to know what goes on in _that_ common room." I said bored.

"What's page six?" Ron asked confused.

"It's _the_ gossip page for celebs and the like." Hermione said before I could.

"Hey, you can have to know-it-all title all you want." I said. Hermione glared at me. "I'm bored. Astronomy tower here we come!" Everyone's head snapped around to look at me. "I'm the author, I can do whatever I want." I explained and with a snap of my fingers we were in the tower. "Ah, much better!"

"Now about these tests.." Harry started.

"Don't get me started! They took _days_ to complete."

"Why days?" Draco asked.

"Because they do them all at once, if they did I would go insane. And me insane? Not good. Plus it would mean I wouldn't get to write about all you guys!"

"Actually we think that would be a good idea!" Ron stated. Hermione glared at him.

"Ron! You don't go around wishing insanity on people!"

"Come on, Mione, we can't have her writing about us! She's a pesk!"

"Talking back to me! She's _so_ rude!" I poked the two of them in the arm.

"Why are you guys talking about me in third person when I'm right here?" I raised an eyebrow at them. Just then a huge telescope swung across the room, Draco hanging from it. Group sigh everyone...1...2...3...SIGH...

"Draco get down here." I said.

"Not until Whisper's Song goes out on a date with me!" he demanded. Okay this guy has seen The Notebook WAY too many times. (But it was an awesome movie, highly reccomend it!)

"No, Draco. I don't live on this plane."

"I don't care!" he shouted. I rolled my eyes.

"You aren't even two feet off the ground!" I pointed out. Draco looked down.

"Oh...yea? Well I can jump!" I looked at him.

"Give it up Draco." I said, pulling him to the ground.

"OW!" he cried. Such a baby!

"So you hate Malfoy too?" Harry asked.

"Not exactly...I just don't date characters from books." I could've sworn I heard a _"Darn!" _from Ron in the background... "But you guys don't want me writing about you?"

"You can write about me all you want. It's these losers who have a problem." Draco explained. I nodded.

"I resent that!" the trio said. I stepped back.

"Whoa, weird."

"Try being in class with them." Draco muttered. I glared at him.

"You guys just can't get along can you?" I asked. "But I do hold the key to your freedom..." Everyone looked at me.

"PLEASE LET US OUT!" they all said. I laughed.

"Maybe..." I said slowly walking to the door. "I have to have lunch with UntamedSpirit."

"I remember her...she's your friend?" I nodded.

"One of my best friends."

"Hmmm...well she's hot...could you get me her number?" he asked.

"Just a couple minutes ago you wanted to go out with me. What gives?" I asked.

"Let's get out the popcorn!" Ron said quietly as Harry pulled out a six can pack of soda.

"Honestly Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "Put the popcorn away!"

"It's so like you Malfoys." I went on. "Ladies man all of you."

"You don't even know me!" he shouted.

"Okay...give me the popcorn." Hermione, said stealing the popcorn and looking intently to Draco and I's conversation.

"Oh yea? I know your favorite movie is 13 Going on 30!" I said, as his eyes dart around.

"NO!" he said too quickly.

"AH HA! I'M RIGHT!" I proclaimed. Ron and Harry high-fived each other.

"BLACKMAIL!" Hermione didn't move.

"But guys my time is up, I've bashed the tests as much as I dare. You never know who could be reading and I don't need my grade point average lowered! Catch ya'll later!"

"WAIT!" they shouted.

"Don't we get out?" Harry asked. I sighed.

"Well maybe ONE of you guys..." I pondered, then I smiled. "Crookshanks! I'm taking Crookshanks!" Hermione sent me a death glare.

"There is no way in hell you are doing that." I smiled.

"I'm the author of this and I own the world. Deal with it." and I scooped up the cat. "Aww...sweet Crookshanks...time to save you from the mean Hermione!" I said grinning as Hermione looked like she wanted to kill me.

"So none of us are getting out?" Ron and Draco asked.

"Nope, but some new people might come in for the next Bashing sequel. That is if enough people review enough..." They all sighed. "I love torturing you guys!" I said and then snapped and I was out. Then Ron stated

"Well she's off my christmas list..."

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Okay the crazy sequel to Bashing! Thank you to FarDeep for the idea of getting transported to the astronomy tower! 

I must say The Notebook and 13 Going on 30 are great movies!

The group will be back for a third installment. I have them under contract...he he. Not really though. Should this be a series? Tell what you think!

REVIEW!

REVIEW!

REVIEW!


	3. Bashing III

**A/N:** Another Bashing installment! Thank you everyone for the support!

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything of the Harry Potter Brand.

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"We finally got out of that bloody tower, THANK GOD." Hermione said, falling into a chair in the hospital wing. (I was a nice writer and unlocked the door, but I'm keeping Crookshanks!) Harry, Ron, and Draco all sat on beds as they waited to be treated. 

"You think Whisper's Song is gone? I mean she let us out of the tower..." Ron asked.

Let me give you a clue:

Hell no.

Just as Ron said that, a giant tree suddenly sprouted right next to the window and a head popped out from between the branches.

"Wow, so you guys do exsist..." the girl said.

"Who the hell are you?" Draco asked.

"I'm Innocent's Thyme. Friend and Reviewer of Whisper's Song! I've been sent by her." Ron groaned.

"Not again. Hopefully your more bareable than her." A nut hit Ron in the head as he said that and he looked to find a squrrel. It looked pissed off.

"Whisper's Song is a good person!" it squeaked.

"Oh my God it TALKS?" Ron asked. The squrell nodded.

"Duh. I'm tastetherain, I'm only in this form because I asked to. Now anyone else you wants to talk about Whisper's Song you will recieve a nut thrown at your head. Understood?" Draco snorted and was promptly hit square on with a nut.

"WHAT THE HELL?" He shouted in pain as he chased tastetherain "GET BACK HERE!" Harry couldn't stop laughing. Tastetherain ran back up the tree to Innocent's Thyme.

"So tastetherain like taste the rainbow, Skittles?" Ron asked. Tastetherain groaned.

"NO!"

"Gosh, you guys are inmature!" she stated.

"Excuse me! I am the smartest witch of our year!" Hermione retorted.

"So? Doesn't mean your mature, you just know stuff." Innocent's Thyme said as tastetherain nodded on her shoulder.

"Hermione, calm down." Harry said as Hermione's eyes lit up.

"Jeez letting me get to you Hermione?...That's actually quite sad..." I said as my voice echoed off the walls. Hermione looked around. "Oh I'm not there, I have school work to attend to, you guys won't see me for quite a while so I'm sending friends to check up on you guys or maybe I'll just lock you guys up in a closet again...I don't know..."

"She never leaves!" Ron cried. "She loves to terrorize us!"

"That I do." I answered. "Innocent's Thyme and tastetherain don't kill them...yet. Bye guys!" And my voice floated out.

"She owns the world you know." Innocent's Thyme said.

"She's doing a-" Ron said then caught tastetherain's eye and then quickly corrected himself " wonderful job!"

"I'm bored!" Innocent's Thyme complained. "Can we go home now?"

"But you've only been here for a couple minutes!" tastetherain whinned. "Remember Whisper's Song would give us two million dollars to be here and to advertise her two sites! You everyone go check out her myspace and her fictionpress site! But she wants people to know that if ask her to be your friend on Myspace to please message her and say your from Fanfiction! To see the sites go to Whisper's Song profile!"

"Now she has three stories over 100 reviews." Ron groaned.

"YOU BROKE INTO MY COMPUTER...AGAIN?"

"Remember I'm your friend and friends don't kill each other!" Ron said, suddenly scared.

"What about Lord of the Flies?" Hermione retorted.

"Is that the novel where they eat each other?" Draco asked. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Where is some needle and threat when you need it?"

"ASSAULT!" Draco cried out. "HELP! ASSAULT!"

"Shut up Malfoy, it wasa threat. There's a difference." Innocent's Thyme said.

"And how did you know what assault meant?" tastetherain asked. Draco's eyes shifted uneasily.

"First his favorite movie is a chick flick and MUGGLE one at that and now he's hooked on the muggle world. SWEET!" Hermione said. "Damn it where is my popcorn?" Suddenly a popcorn contanier landed on her head. She eagerly looked to see popcorn but there was only an empty popcorn carton.

"NOOOOOOO!" she cried.

"Ha ha, and we've got sodas." Harry and Ron taunted Hermione.

"You want me to kill them first or you?" Draco asked.

"Me." Hermione said, ready to strike.

"WHISPER'S SONG!" Shouted Innocent's Thyme.

"What NOW? I was in the middle of History homework!" My voice said.

"They're gonna fight! We're afraid of blood and gore! Can we go now? We advertised your sites already!" I sighed.

"I suppose..." I answered them. The four of them stopped as the tree, girl, and squrrel dissapeared.

"Could she be...leaving us alone?"

They didn't know how wrong they were...

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Just then loud music could be heard outside. 

"What the..." Harry said. "Sounds like music..." he paused. "Ron you go find out what it is."

"But what if it's spiders?" Ron asked.

"Weasel, spiders are a little to small to play music." Draco stated.

"But they can play the world's smallest volin." Ron said.

"That's a metaphor!" Hermione said. "It doesn't exsist."

"Blast. Fine." he said opening the door a bit. "Well it's better than trying to come out of the closet and..."

"Gee Weasel I didn't think you buttered your bread that way." Said a smirking Blaise. "I always did think you were a bit off though." Ron jumped back a foot.

"Jesus Blaise!" Blaise laughed.

"Blaise one, everyone else zero!" he muttered happily.

"Know what the racket is?" Draco asked.

"I believe it is 'hip hop' music" Blaise said, making quotation marks with his fingers for the words hip hop.

"Oh I know what that is!" Hermione said. "But why would anyone play rap music at this late hour?"

"Hip hop music." Harry corrected.

"Whatever Harry. It sounds like it's coming from the south corrider, let's go check it out." The group of five walked down the corrider.

"What the hell have you been Draco?" Blaise asked Draco.

"Stuck with these bimbos." Ron glared at him.

"Harry and I are guys." he pointed out.

"Oh really? It's the funniest thing..." Draco drifted off with a smirk as Ron started to get pissed off.

They reached the end of the corrider to find a girl dancing around a boom box and a bunch of lit candles in a circle. She spotted them.

"Yo, yo, yo! WHITE GIRL ON THE MIKE!" she said as they appoarached.

"Oh. My. God." the five said at the same time.

"Who the hell are you?" Draco asked.

"B to the r to y and then nn and e."

"Translation?"

"Brynne fools. You can't out battle me!" she said. Brynne isn't and probably never will be a ghetto person. But she said she wanted to be one for this story so I'm gonna have to make her one..."Where's IT and Rain?

"They got bored." Harry said.

"What are you doing out here so late?" Hermione asked.

"Seeing if Snape will come around here and catch me." Brynne replied dreamly.

"That's bad. You get detention!" Ron said.

"Detention...funny little word that is..." Brynne said. Draco and Blaise started to laugh. Harry and Ron soon cringed.

"AHHH MY EYES! YOU LIKE HIM?"

"Yes, I do. I was madly in love with him as I saw him on that big screen at the move theatre." Brynne recalled and sighed. "I can't wait for the fourth movie..."

"MOVIE?" The group yelled.

"Duh, Hermione, girl, I can't believe you don't know about this. Your such a fool to this society, pretending your all high and mightly, get over your ego, and just let it go, be like my rhymes and just let it flow." Brynne waited a minute. "Applause fools, and tips are accepted!" Blaise flipped a coin her way. The group glared at him.

"WHAT? I thought it was cool..."

"No, she's trying to be ghetto, and Whisper's Song isn't ghetto." COUGH COUGH came from no where. "Okay she has her ghetto moments." Hermione finished.

"THANK YOU."

"But there are movies about you. It's your own little reality show and you didn't even know it! SWEET!" she said. "I love breaking the bad news."

"Have they been successful?" Ron asked.

"Hell yeah. I smell lawsuits in the air..." Brynne said happily. "I've always wanted to be snogged senseless in an abandoned corridor..." she paused. "Wait, if you guys are here...then it's crowded, NOT abandoned! Damn it! He could've passed us by now. GO SHOO!" she said and pushed the group into a empty room...

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And suddenly the door slammed shut! (Like you didn't see that one coming...) They saw some other people were in the room. They didn't have time to figure out because suddenly the group saw a spotlight go upon a figure sitting on a stool. He grinned as he viewed his audience. 

"Ah children we meet again!"

"OH NO LOCKHEART!" they cried in horror. He took a breath but then saw himself in a mirror close by and wiped back a stray piece of hair and then grinned at himself.

"I knew you'd be happy to see me! And now that I have my memory it's be even funner."

"Funner?" Hermione asked. "Is that even a word?"

"It's a Whisper's Song orginal." I answered to them.

"OH..." Draco and Blaise said at the same time. Lockheart coughed and everyone looked at the cheerful man. The children felt the need to jump out a window as they heard him say these words.

"And now it's time for my book club."

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As a figure with billowing black robes looked over the halls, he was pulled into a dark broom closet and Brynne's dream was suddenly fullfilled. 

"Your a good kisser Snape." she said. Then she looked at him.

"YOUR NOT SNAPE!"

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I know I didn't Bash anything but my friends were dying to be in ther series so I wrote a special chapter just for them, I am so nice... 

Do you want to be one of the authors who comes in and checks up on these lovely characters? Do you want to bein the funny series known as "Bashing" Well you can!

Give me your author name, and a little bit about yourself like phrases or such you use,what you would like to do as a character in the story. (because I don't know any of you and I'm not a mind reader) and I'll try to write you as best I can but I make no promises!

Until next time...

Whisper's Song


	4. Bashing IV

**A/N:** Enjoy!

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything of the Harry Potter brand. I don't own the line "And as I lay me down to sleep...ah Shalom...shalom..." that belongs to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer brand and Joss Whedon and the person that wrote it. The whole "Why is the wine gone?" and "And then...they made me their chief." is not mine but belongs to the Pirates of the Carribean movies and writers. And I don't own the "Itsy Bitty Spider" song!

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"Of course it's me you silly girl." replied a hurt Snape. "I was caught in a time turner accident and I'm stuck in my 16 year old body. I thought you loved me." 

"Whew, I thought for a minute Whisper's Song was denying me of my dream...she didn't want to know what would happen it THAT happened..." she paused. "So your this way, forever?"

"Pretty much." Brynne jumped up in the air.

"Sweet...boy do I have plans...

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"And as I lay me down to sleep...ah Shalom...shalom..." chanted a random student as they peered over the window. Lockheart had been reading for two hours was only on page 10. 

Fearing this would never stop, and the sound of his voice had many students wanting to jump off the ledge and be put out of their misery. They tried to kill Lockheart but I didn't let them, as I've said many a time, I love to toture the students.

"Someone please shoot me, I don't care who it is, just do it." Ron pleaded.

"I'm too busy planning my own death." answered Draco.

Then SUDDENLY...

the room started to move...

FORWARD?

Oh dear, Whisper's Song has changed her mind again...

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"Whoa, we're on a TRAIN?" Harry said. 

"Looks like it." Hermione answered.

"Complete with food trolley?" Ron asked hopefully.

"NO." I answered him.

"Dude, she's back." Blaise said. "Whoa...check her out..."

"Yeah, do you think I would miss my own friend's wedding?" I asked with a "duh" quality to my voice.

"Wait a second! A WEDDING?" they all shouted at once.

"Yeah remember Brynne? She got her wish and they're getting married."

"They've known each other for five minutes and they're getting married?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"They're pulling a Britney/Jason!" Blaise exclaimed.

"A what?" Hermione asked.

"Britney Spears, she and her friend Jason got married, intoxication, you know the drill." Blaise said. Everyone turned to stare at him. "What?"

"I don't even want to know." Draco said. "Dear God is this a church on a...train?"

"Well wedding does equal chruch." I said, smoothing my turquoise dress out. "Okay which one of you wants to be my date?" The guys went wide.

"WHAT?"

"I need a date, I'm a bridesmaid." I explained. "Hmm...I'll take...Draco!" I grabbed his arm.

"I told you she finds me sexy." he said smugly.

"No, you were the closest guy. Plus and I tell you all about how much school sucks!"

"Oh yeah...you missed out on bashing something last time, so why school?" he asked.

"Because I have freakin mid terms in about, oh a month or so. But if I pass them I don't have to take the final exams and skip a day of school!"

"You should talk to Dumbledore about doing that."

"Nope, because then there would be less torture."

"Your mad aren't you?" he asked me.

"I like to think I'm like Edgar Allan Poe, brillant but just on the edge of madness."

"Your really starting to scare me..." I smiled

"Good."

* * *

Brynne floated down the aisle in a dress that she told me what it looks like but I forgot it, and joined Snape at the alter. Suddenly a tall red head came out in priest robes too big for her. And she tripped on her first step out. 

"I meant to do that..." she muttered as she walked to the alter. "Uh...Dumbledore was preoccupied-"

"Probably with McGonagall!" Blaise called out.

"Who is this girl?" Harry whispered to me.

"Redlyght's Dawning. A friend of mine. For the story she's an elf." I explained.

"Dearly beloved we are here to gather these two people in holy-"

"Like they are 'holy'!" Blaise called out again. Katy glared at him.

"Maybe you should just get to the good part." Brynne suggested.

"You mean the kissing?" Blaise called out again.

Too bad Blaise didn't know that Redlyght's Dawning had a temper.

"I think I can kill two birds with one stone." she said advancing on Blaise.

"Do you promise to love and cherish each other, for richer or poorer, until death do you part? Do you take each other to be man and wife?"

"I do." Brynne and Snape at the same time.

"And do you want your life spared?" she asked.

"I do." Blaise said.

"Now I do want to present to you-"

"WAIT UP!" Pansy called. "You both said I do, after those vows, aren't you two married?"

"SHIT!" Redlyght's Dawning cried. "We are." Blaise's eyes went wide.

"You tricked me!"

"It's called an accident." she said.

"It's called unusual." Harry said.

"It's called HUH?" Draco said.

"It's called unproper." Hermione said

"It's called surprise." Ron said.

"It's called an annulment." I answered."Oh well, it may be your wedding but it's my story and I say we party! Everyone follow me to Great Hall!"

* * *

**Two hours later...**

"And then...they made me their chief." Redlyght's Dawning said, as she was now drunk over her imprompt to marriage.Which was clearly apparrent because of the empty wine shot glasses. When the shots stopped coming she asked.

"Why is the wine gone?"

"I'm cutting you off."

"Why is the wine gone?"

"You've had enough." the bartender argued.

"I'll tell you when I've had enough!" and she then fell down to the floor muttering.

"But why is the wine gone?..."

* * *

"How dare you Draco Malfoy!" shouted Padfoot's Sidekick as she slapped him. "I'm not that kind of a girl. I unlike you am smart." SiriuslyFunny then appeared out of no where. 

"Sweet! I'm in Bashing!"

"Shoot, I thought this was a dream. Draco over here, was trying to get me back to his room."

"Shall we turn him into something?"

"Sure, what?"

"A pineapple!" Padfoot's Sidekick said excitedly. "Whisper's Song! Make Draco a pineapple!" Suddenly Draco was one. "Thank you Whisper's Song!"

"Can we go party?" SiriuslyFunny asked.

"We shall."

* * *

Then something happened that was SO shocking... 

SO unexpected...

SO awesome...

SO over hyped by me...

That it was the talk of everyone for six months.

Not only was Professor McGonagall DRUNK.

But she was wearing a TUTU.

Yes, everyone. You read right.

She hiccuped and grabbed the mike to say dramatically.

"Dance with me Dumbledore!" Dumbledore looked embaressed a bit. "DJ SPIN THAT SHIT!"

"Mike check, one two, one two, this is your boy Voldemort on the mixes tonight! This one formy boy, Dumbledore!" and as McGonagall started to dance wildly next to Dumbledore, he moved his arms to the left and right, snapping.

"Yo McG!" Flitwick called. "Why are you with this loser? I can be your homie! I can be your man!" he said. "Who couldn't resist these moves?" and he started to break dance.

"GO FLITWICK! GO FLITWICK!" a group of people called.

"Go away, I want Dumbledore and only him!" McGonagall said pushing Flitwick away. "Oh wait! I know what will do just the trick!" She then drug a gold necklace heavily iced (aka A LOT of diamonds.) and placed around his neck. Dumbledore suddenly seemed to feel the ghetto power and started to become as wild as McGonagall.

Many students after this reception became blind.

And that's all I'm gonna say.

* * *

Brynne then called everyone to attention. 

She was like everyone else, drunk.

She cleared her throat as the Great Hall started to split in the middle. It revealed that underneath was a pool. Brynne then started to sing, with theproper hand motions that usually accompanied the song.

_"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout,_

_Down came the water and washed the spider out!_

_Out came the sun and dried off all the rain,_

_And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again!" _she paused.

"So let's make like that spider and get washed out!" and she cannon balled into the pool.

Too many people were acting too weird...there was champange...but it was mostly soda all around. Then I realized...

"Damn it!" I muttered. "OKAY WHO SWITCHED THE VOLDKA WITH THE SPRITE AGAIN?"

Suddenly my friend Stephanie froze with a bottle of voldka in her hands. She then lifted up the witches hat she was wearing and put the bottle on her head and replaced the hat over the bottle and started to dance.

Whew...close one...

* * *

Innocent's Thyme held up a glass of champange and looked fasicnated as she saw the skittles she had dropped in there float around. She grinned and said 

"Taste the rainbow!" and downed it in one gulp.

Too bad she was choking on the Skittles. Redlyght's Dawning passed by her and shouted in her drunken state.

"IS THIS MODERN ART?"

"I'm choking..." Innocent's Thyme whispered.

"CAUSE I DON'T SEE THE POINT OF IT!"

"Help!" she squeaked.

"OH WAIT! ARE YOU CHOKING?"

"Yes!" Innocent said in joy.

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU. I WAS MISSING THAT DAY IN CLASS!" she laughed. "I'LL SEE YOU LATER INNOCENT!"

Innocent then fainted.

Just then xLove's Spiritx showed up.

"Innocent...Innocent...what have you gotten yourself into now..." she sighed. "Once again up to me to save you...if I didn't live in another state..." she muttered as she dragged Innocent off.

* * *

Innocent's Thyme finally walked into the party. 

"Okay be nice...you know Whisper's Song...ok that's one person..." she looked up

The party was over.

And the swimming pool was drained.

"NO! I wanted to swim in that pool..." she cried. Soon her tears started to fill the pool up again.

"Thank you Whisper's Song!" she said excitedly. In my response I made a float and a drink appear.

"Sweet!" and she dived for the float already on the water.

Too bad she missed.

"Damn you Whisper's Song...DAMN YOU!"

* * *

Redlyght's Dawning stumbled unto the pool's edge. 

"Why is everyone gone? Did I miss the party?" she paused. "DAMN IT!" she sighed. "But I got me wine." she grinned and then lost her balance and fell in.

"And I go down with the ship..."

* * *

"Wait a sec, where's Draco?" people from the crowd wondered. Then they took a look at their cups... 

Which had pineapple slices on them.

"Uh oh..."

* * *

I know those marriage vows suck but for story purposes they work! 

I must thank all my friends, even Redlyght's Dawning who bothered me for probably two weeks about whether I had written this chapter or not, for letting me intoxicate them!

Thank you to Padfoot's Sidekick and SiriuslyFunny! I hope you like how I wrote you in!

Yes you can be in the next chapter! Just tell me your pen name and what you would like to do and I'll put you in!

Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Keep them coming!

Whisper's Song


	5. Bashing V

Snape rolled his eyes, as Brynne clawed her way out of his arms and gathe

**A/N:** Enjoy!

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything of the Harry Potter brand.

* * *

In a very unlike Snape expected move, he carried his bride to his office. (Yes, he's that cheap for a honeymoon.) And once again in a very OOC move, he kicked open the door, expecting to be alone with his only love only to hear "WELCOME TO THE SHOW!" blasted through the room as disco lights came to life. And a drum roll started as I was liftedto the surface of the stage in a cloud of fog.  
"What the fuck?" Snape thought as he saw that his office had been turned into the stage for my very own talk show!  
"Hello Severus! Do take a seat" I called out to the couple.  
"AHHH NO, WHISPER'S SONG! I love you but um, we're married now...and married people have certain duties they must fullfill" Brynne hinted, very kindly for me to leave, but instead I didn't take the hint as I went on with my show  
**"The topic is..."**  
_**"SECRET CRUSHES REVEALED!"  
**_Snape rolled his eyes, as Brynne clawed her way out of his arms and gathered with the with the students sitting around the stage. She took some popcorn from a provided bowl.  
"OH! This is gonna be good!"  
"But darling...we're married" Snape lamely tried.  
"That means we'll be together forever" Brynne said sweetly and kissed Snape's cheek.  
"And Snape, my show is only an hour long" I pointed out. I turned back the imaginary camera and said  
"Now...I ask YOU the audience, does anyone in the audience have a crush?"  
Everyone waited in silence until...  
"I DO!" shouted Harry Potter  
"Just wait and let it be Voldemort...they come together to fight every June after all. He'll probably scream there can only be one! And go off to hug a Voldy doll." Snape muttered to himself Brynne elbowed him, and proclaimed "I DO AS WELL!"  
"Dude, we all saw you get married, Brynne. It's not a surprise."  
I said, as she pouted. "Fine give special attention to _the boy who lived!_ I'm only your best friend, see if I care!"  
"I'm so glad you understand" I answered and turned back to Harry, "Now Harry who is this lucky lady?"  
"Well I'm kinda shy to tell...well everyone.." he said.  
"Now Harry it's okay to be shy, in fact a lot of guys happen to like me." I mentioned.  
"Um...no it's actually Ginny I like"  
"WHAT! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? Besides the factI don't own you...your a fictional book character...and I keep putting you in insane situations."  
"Which is exactly why I love Ginny" Harry said, "She's normal, down to earth"  
"Wait a minute, you like my sister!" Ron said, finally realizing who it was  
"Pick it up boy" Brynne said  
In dramatic flair Harry got on one knee in front of Ginny, and said "Will you go out to the lake with me?"  
"Of course!" Ginny answered hugging him, and off the two of them skipped.  
"Dude are they skipping?" Brynne asked stealing snape's thunder...or whatever was left of it.  
"I believe so" I answered  
"Anyone else have a secret crush?"  
Brynne elbowed Snape and Snape not expecting the jolt said "CHOCOLATE MUFFINS!"  
"You like chocolate muffins?" Brynne asked  
"No." pause with Brynne looking disbeliving, "NO" Brynne's look stayed the same  
**_"Yes"_**  
"You never told me that" Brynne said  
"There's a lot you don't know about me"  
(Meanwhile I hold up a sign saying **_DRAMA!_**)  
"Umm...so why did I marry you?" Brynne asked  
"Because you love me?" he answered  
"THAT'S right! I remember!" I looked the happy couple, angry because this was MY show! I cleared my throat and said  
"Now back to the **WHISPER'S SONG** show! Anyone else got a crush for the final time?"  
"DEAR WHISPER'S SONG..." as the area got dark and a spotlight came upon none other than...  
**BLAISE AND DRACO!**  
"Dude, this is my solo" Draco said to Blaise  
"Um...no, we talked about this, I proclaim my love for Whisper's Song and I ride off with her into the bloody sunset as you look jealously, on" Blaise explained  
"Wait...I didn't hear any of that.." Draco said  
"Well this is _totally_ unexpected!" I said dramatically "Never in my life would I have thought the two of youwould fightover me"  
"Only because you payed us" Draco said  
(Brynne hold ups sign saying **_SCANDAL!_**)  
"What? I didn't pay you!" I looked around nervously  
"Yeah you did" and Draco pulled out a sack of coins, "Explain this"  
"Your a Malfoy, your rich." I said  
"I still love you Whisper's Song!" Blaise said  
"You can give it up now" I said woefully  
"No, I mean it!" I gasped,  
"Really?"  
"Well...I'm not sure how I'll feel about it tomorrow...but right now I'm sure!"  
"That's all that really matters in the end!" I said  
"Good God, what is this?" Snape asked  
"It's how we fell in love!" Brynne proclaimed  
"We met on a talk show...you had to pay me and someone else to proclaim our love to you...but in the end I really did?"  
"Okay so we didn't meet exactly like that..." Brynne said. "But Whisper's Song is in both equations"  
"Did you ever take potions?"  
"Muggle"  
"Whew, good...you would've failed"  
"WHAT?"  
"Nothing sweetheart"  
(I hold up sign saying **_Oh. its ON!_**)  
"Your totally not getting any tonight" Brynne said "Accio boxing gloves!"  
"Damn...umm...I'm sorry?" Brynne knocked Snape unconcious and then said  
"Back the to show!"  
"I do hope he's alright.." I mentioned as Ron high fived Brynne  
"Get away from my woman!" Snape said pushing Ron out of the way  
"Whoa...you woke up? Wow...I punch such like girl"  
"Let's get back to the talk show, which is MINE" I said.  
"Well we're not really interested anymore" Hermione pointed out  
"But I'm AMAZING"  
"It's summer, do you really think we wanna be here? In the Potions classroom with a sex driven Snape and his bride?"  
"Well...no, I thought Snape would, I don't know, choose something classy for a honeymoon"  
"I decorated the room myself" Snape pointed out  
"And that's why your my perfect match" Brynne said lovingly  
"Because he decorated a room by himself?" I asked  
"Yes, and he's very sexy" All the students including me in the room, tried not to gag.  
"This is a family show!" I exclaimed  
"Well is that room included?" he said, pointing the room ajoining  
"Um...well I guess not.." Snape then threw Brynne over his shoulder and disappeared in the room  
"Someone get some holy water, I think we all need to cleanse our minds of the image we just saw"

* * *

Random little bit Brynne and I came up with! Hoped you liked! 


End file.
